giving thanks. day 1. november 1.

Day 1 | Salvation

Because of Him- I am abundantly free.

Okay. I'm going to jump on the bandwagon here to share 25 days of what I am thankful for. :) Such a healthy thing to do.

To start things off- I'm first and foremost thankful for salvation through Jesus's death and resurrection for me and you. Because of Him, I live each day with hope and purpose.

Psalm 103:3-5, 10

"He forgives your sins—every one.
He heals your diseases—every one.
He redeems you from hell—saves your life!
He crowns you with love and mercy—a paradise crown.
He wraps you in goodness—beauty eternal.
He renews your youth—you're always young in his presence.

He doesn't treat us as our sins deserve,
nor pay us back in full for our wrongs."

My heart is forever grateful.

I've been reading...

God's Leading Lady | by T.D. Jakes

Well, it has been way too long since I have written a blog post. These past couple of months have been insanely busy. But, I have still been doing my best to make time to read. This is a recent book that I have read... I just love T.D. Jakes' writing style... so, I thought I would give you my thoughts on the book. :)

I would say that the first 2/3 of the book deals with a lot of life-controlling issues that many ladies face- from relationships to abuse to loss, etc. I was unable to relate to many of the issues discussed, but I know people in my life who could relate... and I'm sure that you do as well. It's healthy to be aware of these things to be able to impart wisdom to others, even if it does not directly apply to you. These are the issues that many times keep ladies in the shadows and out of the potential that God has placed within them.

The parallel was made between a leading lady in a play or performance and being a leading lady in your life... hence, "out of the shadows and into the light." The 3rd part of the book began talking about dreaming impossible dreams as you move past your life that has been holding you back. T.D. Jakes used examples of leading ladies in the Bible... instances where God did the impossible... as well as being a good steward of God-given dreams. In the last portion of the book, he wrote a lot about not only being a leading lady for your own life but rather for the purpose of leaving a legacy that would be significant for those following you.

Here are a few quotes from the book that stood out to me.

"Sometimes His promise for us is so much more, so much bigger, than we could ever imagine. To limit ourselves to the aspirations of human musings is to obstruct the limitless potential that our Creator has instilled in us. We must trust that God knows how far to take us, and let Him carry us that that place He ordains. We must be willing to let go of our dreams and remain open to receiving what our Lord chooses to give."

"For the work you accomplish can be undone, the dishes will be dirtied again, the floors muddied. But you cannot take away the indelible memories of time with your Lord, your children, or with those in need. Those gifts establish a legacy that continues long after the last supper is eaten and the last carpet is vacuumed."

"What sacrifices are you willing to make today so that you will have greater resources [not just financial] out of which to give in the future?"

"But the enemy wants to trick you out of these legacy moments by selling you a cheap bowl of soup. If the devil can distract you from the issues of eternal consequence through the use of the urgent, then he can leave the rest to you."

"While what you do onstage is notable and noble, what really counts is what remains when the show is over. What do you have left when the lights go down?"

Also check out one of my favorite books.

The Lady, Her Lover, and Her Lord | by T.D. Jakes

keep it simple.

God has really been speaking to me lately about the need for simplicity. Last night, I read the following in a book I'm reading... thought I would share it with you.

"Simplicity in its essence demands neither a vow of poverty nor a life of rural homesteading. As an ethic of self-conscious material moderation, it can be practiced in cities and suburbs, townhouses and condominiums. It requires neither a log cabin nor a hairshirt but a deliberate ordering of priorities so as to distinguish between the necessary and superfluous, useful and wasteful, beautiful and vulgar." -David Shi

the "roundabout" way.

Even though we may know and believe that God speaks to us through His Word- we are often still surprised when He actually does. This morning as I spent some time praying, I really felt like I needed to hear something from God. As I opened my Bible to Psalm 105 in The Message version (part of my daily reading for today), I read something new. I would encourage you to do so as well.

At times I wonder if I should continue my involvement with worship team and choir because of my time commitment to youth. As I read that God instructs me to give Him praise and tell everyone of His goodness, it said one of the ways is through song. Even when we feel like we aren't doing something of eternal impact or significance, we actually may be. When people see me singing on the stage, I pray that they will see how much I love God... and that every word I sing is telling of His goodness. What a neat opportunity!

God also commands us to keep our eyes open to see God at work and His miracles. He has been true to His Word for generations. This SO goes against the grain in our culture. We have become so "Me" centered that throughout the day- that may be all that we think about... leaving no room or "margin" in our day to see that God is in fact working on our behalf or a reminder of how near He is... because we simply keep blinders on our eyes.

No matter who we are, He can choose to use us for His purposes. When His hand is upon our lives, there is no limit to what He can do. God sent Joseph ahead to prepare the way for the Israelites. Humble and hard beginnings led him to a place of honor and ultimately being used to carry out God's greater plan. God then used Moses and Aaron to deliver the Israelites out of Egypt. He worked many miracles as they were on their way and provided for their every need: cool for the day, light for the night, food and water to sustain them- in ways that only He could provide.

In the end- God's people were singing for joy. Every single step of the journey was so that they could accomplish all that He had told them and promised. This goes to show that God's ways are not our ways. Sometimes it truly is the roundabout way. Yes, His people had moments of doubt, complaining, and frustration, but they continued to follow Him.

As long as I'm committed to following God, I can trust that He will provide for my every need, equip me regardless of my inadequacies, and use every step of my journey to accomplish His purpose. That's the most important thing. The tough part is when the steps of the journey seem so contrary to the direction we feel like we should be going... the "roundabout" way. But, I'm okay with that... makes for one great adventure. :) His ideas are definitely best.

{kinda vague- but how I felt God was speaking to me today}

I've been reading...

Love Beyond Reason by John Ortberg

This was such a powerful book that I would highly recommend that you read. I feel like I need to read it again right now just to be able to absorb all of it. I felt like it took me on a behind the scenes journey of God's love for me, and how and why I can translate that into my love for Him and others. Some key elements that John Ortberg covered were contentment in the desert, being chosen, how He searches for hiding people, and how He is the God of the roundabout way. Here are a couple of quotes that were significant to me.

"You have made us for yourself; and our hearts are restless till they find their rest in Thee." -Augustine

"This is the ineffable and infinite mercy of God which the slender capacity of man's heart cannot comprehend and much less utter- the unfathomable depth and burning zeal of God's love toward us." -martin luther

"Yes Lord [I love you.]," Peter answers. "Then feed my sheep," Jesus says. Love and teach and guard and guide and serve the little flock that means all the world to me. Get back in the game." -john ortberg

retreat 2010.

If you ever need God to rock your world... sign up to be a high school life group leader... better yet... get signed up by someone else. :) This semester has been one of the most significant times of growth I have ever experienced. When there are people in your life looking up to you and depending on you... it changes you. I suppose it is a similar feeling of responsibility to having a spouse or children. It's basically a process of getting over yourself so that someone else's life can be better. God has really challenged me with the reality that I only have a window of opportunity with some of these students... maybe a matter of weeks for the graduating seniors. I have to be intentional. Although there have been great obstacles and challenges, sitting on the floor in the basement of our host home listening to student after student telling about how God is changing their life... makes it worth every minute of prayer, sweat, and hard work. Yes... retreat was tons of fun... getting all decked out in pink, getting hit in the head four times in a row in one game of dodgeball, running through the mud to the finish line, crazy cheers, losing your voice, wild bus rides, late nights... love it all... but, it's so cool how God can use all of that to tear down walls, build relationships, and get students' attentions.

Sometimes the change is a journey of breakthrough after breakthrough... sometimes it's immediate. Students are now wanting to come to church... taking notes... asking deep questions... passionately praying for their unsaved family... being bold about their faith... breaking free from the chains that have bound them. And it's just the beginning?! :) Wow. Can't believe I get to be part of this.

day 05. favorite quote(s).

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." C.S. Lewis

"We can all see God in exceptional things, but it requires the growth of spiritual discipline to see God in every detail." Oswald Chambers

oh to truly live.

How incredible is the expression in this photo?! :) Nice capture, Hona. :) God is doing something deep, deep, deep in my heart. It's one of those "learning and growing" times in life... the times we would just rather pass by or hurry through... the critical times that shape us... and without... we won't be prepared to handle the next season of life to which God takes us. It's times like these when we become fidgety, antsy, and just want to wiggle in our skin. :) We sense that God is up to something new... and it takes everything within us (and a strength not of our own) to be still and know that He is God.

I feel like this past week (as always) has really had God's favor upon it. About two weeks ago, a recent contact with the Metropolitan Bride magazine contacted me and said there was an opening to be in the bridal expo... huge God-opportunity! There are typically 6+ photographers on the waiting list for these! I have met photographers and wedding vendors in the past couple of weeks (including today) that I could have never planned to meet on my own... and in the details... I see God working and setting things up. It's truly incredible how He places the right people in your life at just the right time... providing you with the resources you need to carry out something greater than you thought possible. But, that's God for you. :) Sometimes I wonder and contemplate how I am right where I am... but, I'm quick to remember that it's God's doing... He sees way down the road... knowing why I take photos, why I have my own business, why the creative ideas won't stop flowing in my brain, why I love to sing and lead people in worship, why I love to see students' lives restored, why I love to host and entertain guests, why I can't stop thinking about working with Hispanic people. He has my full attention.

a dream is a wish your heart makes...

and sometimes they are from God... and He sends seemingly 'strange' reminders at 'strange' times to remind us that He has not forgotten. And, sometimes it's difficult to verbalize these things at the risk of being vulnerable or fear of the realities. I saw the movie 'The Blind Side' with my family on Christmas Day... great movie! I really didn't expect it to impact me like it did. I sat there the entire movie... bawling... a broken heart for the inner city teens in the movie. It was the same emotions I felt on two of my occasions of leaving Mexico on a plane... with a broken heart for the people... tears running down my face. I felt in my heart that someday God will take me back there... with my love for Spanish and the people. I don't know why I feel this way and God has placed these emotions in my heart.... but He has... I want the lost everywhere to know His saving power... and to see the course of lives changed. About 2 years ago, God placed the idea in my heart of going into inner cities and partnering with Christian organizations to take senior photos for graduating students... I have no idea what this would look like... maybe an incentive for good grades or attendance... or simply graduating... maybe partnering with a store or company that would provide a new professional outfit to the student for their pictures and interviews... all to create a platform to share Jesus and provide the student with a view of life and themselves beyond their present circumstances. I believe God will continue to orchestrate connections with the right people and give me creativity and ideas to carry out this dream of His. [It's amazing how God creates us a certain way as individuals so that we will have favor with the specific people we may need in our lives to carry out His purpose.] Back to the movie... I want to be that person who is sensitive to the needs and cries of others... who sees beyond the comforts of present life... and invests everything to better the lives of others, point them to Jesus, and ultimately change the course of their lives. I believe for that. I definitely want to give birth to children someday... but, I also want to claim lost and forgotten babies, children, or teens as my own... I believe that's what Jesus would do... I know that's what He has done for me... claimed me as His own. I don't know how all of these things will unfold... I just know He's stirring something deep in my heart... and I'm listening.

frosted windowpanes.

I absolutely love frosted windowpanes. I'm sitting here at my computer as Christmas Eve has just turned into Christmas Day.... selecting photos for {best of 2009}... tree lights are twinkling, and snowflakes are falling... and I can't help but have a thankful and hopeful heart. I say it all the time... but, God has been so good to me. I have no idea why God has chosen this life for me, but I intend to live it out with everything I am. God is behind me and before me... I just feel like this upcoming year is going to be great and that God is going to do something different. I hope for more perfect little moments like this right now... and wish the same for you. Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas.

a merry little christmas.

This is my family, and we love each other dearly. We stick together through the good and the bad... when other people fail me, I know that I can count on them... US. At the beginning of the year, we made it through Dad's thyroid surgery. Then, we went on an incredible trip to Thailand and Tokyo... summer vacation in Florida... my photo biz has taken off... Hona graduated with her Master's degree (MBA)... God has done it all. We celebrate a wonderful year and look forward to the things God has in store for 2010. [thank you, becca, for taking these rockin' family photos] [looking forward to the day when we will have two more incredible men in them. ;) ]

sister.

Sister graduated from MSU on Friday with her Master's degree. (MBA) It has been quite a journey of the faithfulness of the Lord. She graduated from high school in May 2005, Evangel University in December 2007, and MSU with her Masters degree in December 2009. God has provided the finances every step of the way, allowing her to graduate debt-free... a miracle in itself. God has truly given her wisdom and knowledge beyond her years and the discipline to accomplish things she never could have dreamed of. All along, she has continued to invest her life into others... and God has given her the strength for the journey. I'm so excited for the great things God is preparing for her... job opportunities, husband, family, ministry, travels... all to be a testimony to His faithfulness. We will all look back and say, "Only with God" could that have been possible. The best is yet to come. Who knows what's next?! :)

[oh, and did I mention that I'm SOOOOOOO proud of her! I thought I was going to burst at her graduation! many more rockin' pics to come!]

miracle moments.

It's the most incredible thing to make it to the other side of a trial to look back and see all of the miracle moments that happened each step of the way. This was the case for me about a week ago. It was one of the most trying times I have had for a long time... but, I was convinced that God would see me through... after countless prayers... and trips to the computer repairmen... read on... :)

It started on Saturday... I was taking photos at an engagement session... getting out of the car with my camera and accidentally hit it on the side of my car... I didn't think anything was wrong with it until I tried to take a picture and a piece fell out of it... nice lens too that I needed for sessions this week! Praise the Lord that I had another lens with me to finish the session... took the lens to Lawrence, and they sent it in to Canon for 3-4 weeks to see if they can repair it... in the meantime, I purchased another lens that was a step below the one I had to hold me over til the other one is repaired.

Then, on Saturday afternoon, my external hard-drive all of a sudden wouldn't connect to my laptop or any computer for that matter... I was hoping for the best that it was just the connection... but, trying not to panic because of the thousands of photos that were on it... like my whole business... I wasn't able to take it in to the computer store until Monday morning... first store told me they couldn't do anything to help me and that it looked like nothing was there... I didn't even know what to do... [some of the photos were backed up... but not some of my most recent work... hence all of the thoughts going through my mind] The computer store said that my only option would probably be to send it off to a drive-saver place that starts out at $5,000. I left and took it to COMPUTER RENAISSANCE [where I would recommend taking any computer problems or purchasing equipment]. I left the computer with them... [Monday was my sister's birthday, and my mom, sis, and I were supposed to spend the day together... so I felt terrible that I had all this other stuff going on.] I was able to do some shopping and a movie with Hona and mom. During the movie, I got a phone call that it looked like my hard drive had crashed and that it was blank....but they needed me to bring in my laptop to check for sure. I went back into the movie sobbing... my mom and I prayed... my dad had been home sick and prayed all day too... we left the movie and my dad was waiting for me... to go with me to the computer place. When we got there, the tech said that since he had talked to me.... things had gotten... long pause... "better!!" I think he was as surprised as we were... we said we had been praying... I believe it was truly a miracle. Last week was a long and uncertain waiting process as they have retrieved one file at a time from the hard drive. But, PRAISE THE LORD... I now have the hard drives with all of the files... MIRACLE. This was a very costly venture... but, the next Tuesday, I made a deposit into my biz account from photo work for the EXCACT amount I had paid for the hard drive recovery... MIRACLE.

Then, on Wednesday, I was driving home from a photo session and the steering wheel just dropped to one side with a thud... I was driving into my neighborhood thankfully!! [I laughed a little to myself... I just couldn't believe it.] So, I just slowed down and made it to my house... we got it to the repairman... they had never seen anything like that happen before... we PRAYED. Two days later, the car was repaired with a salvaged part that cost 1/2 of the price of a new one... MIRACLE.

WOW. I have learned a lot. I know that God has set me up to have this photography business, and I know that He has taken care of me... I've been reminded that He is my source... even if I lose everything... and that I can only depend on Him... not myself and what I am capable of doing... without Him I am helpless. I have learned valuable lessons about data backup-- I now have 4 external hard drives and online backup. :) [word to the wise!] I never want to have a day like that again. I will praise Him in the good and the bad though. I am thankful that it was technical things that can be replaced, etc.... rather than sicknesses, etc.

OTHER COOL THINGS THAT GOD DID THAT WEEK:

I met and sat across from the editor of Metropolitan Bride magazine at the Realife leader banquet on Friday night... she invited to me to a wedding vendor lunch group. I went to this on Tuesday where I met some really great people and met one of the area's premier wedding photographers... had a good conversation with her in which she gave me some good advice for my photography biz. :)

I had a lot of quality bonding time with my Dad especially... I have been reminded of how much wisdom he has to offer... and how wonderful my family is... when something happens... we are all in it together. :) So thankful.

One of my dearest friends, Sarah, was in town for the week from Minnesota to sing in A James River Christmas... we had a wonderful coffee date. :)

I have received a lot of calls this week to schedule future photo sessions... even for April!! :)

I sold over $100 more of my jewelry I make... going toward my Speed the Light goal! :)

And, now I REACHED my Speed the Light goal (money for missionaries)... and the students at Realife raised over $220,000 this year for missions as of Wednesday night. INCREDIBLE.

GOD IS GOOD.

I am more convinced then ever that He cares about every detail of our lives and is capable of more than we could know.
Just had to share. :)

take me deeper.

God is so incredibly good... I cannot begin to wrap my mind around it.  He has really been doing some deep things in my heart and life over the past couple of months.  I know that He is preparing me for what He has already prepared.  I absolutely love being a youth leader... the opportunity to interact and influence students... showing them what it means to love the Lord and serve Him every day of their life.  In the past, I have been presented with the opportunity to be a life group leader... and I'm feeling that I am just now coming to grips with the reality that maybe that is what I should be doing.  I'm continuing to pray about where God is taking me in all of this and trying to stay available for where He would desire to use me.  I feel like I have always had it in my mind that I would like for a guy to be the leader... but, I must remember that I am not a substitute for a guy... and that God has called me and wants to use me.  Christine Caine came to my church this weekend and shared messages that really challenged me.  Resources can be found HERE.  Also, God is really taking me deeper in my worship.  I have a deeper desire than ever to lead God's people into His presence.  He is really teaching me to get over myself and my fears and my lack of confidence... and giving me the courage to step up into the life He has called me to.  I absolutely love living for the Lord... a faith adventure it is... but, I wouldn't want it any other way.

beyond blessed.

I am so incredibly blessed.  It seems like yesterday and today I have been reminded of it more than usual.  Yesterday I was eating dinner before church... all the fresh farmer's market veggies I could have asked for.  There are starving and malnourished people all around the world... and I am eating food that tastes good and is good for me.  I savored each bite.  Last night after church, I was standing in the kitchen thinking... thinking how incredibly blessed I am to have been born into a Christian family that loves God and has taught me how to love Him.  I basically had the gospel handed to me on a platter... I didn't have to search my whole life to find Him.  So blessed.  I went to our neighborhood pool for a while this morning and noticed how beautiful and clean it was... and how nice my beach towel is... I have been so blessed.  As I was telling all of this to my dear sister, she was quick to remind me... yes, you are blessed... and to whom much is given, much is required.  That is a big responsibility God has entrusted to me.  I have had more of a burden than before to really jump on board with the Overflow Experience we are doing with the youth at my church... to raise money for missionaries through Speed the Light.  I don't need a single thing or to accumulate possessions for myself... this life is not my own... I'm living for eternity.  Take a look at the life you are living... there may be some blessings you have overlooked.  Thank you Jesus for being so incredibly good.

consider the flowers.

Today was one of those days where I have wondered if life will ever make sense on this side of Heaven... most likely it won't... but I would like to hope so.  God is so obviously working in my life.  He has given me so much favor with my photography business... even new developments today.  He is continually placing passions and dreams in my heart.  I know without a doubt that I am right where God wants me... but that doesn't mean I will be staying in this same state of living for long.  God is always requiring us to grow, improve, change... and that little bit of fear starts to creep in when I forget how small I am and how big God is.  I love the feeling of living life on the edge of my seat... where things are unpredictable and God is the only way.  I've been a little emotional this evening... I think I have lost sight of this... and the fact that the only way life makes any sense at all is in Jesus... oh, how I need Him and desire Him.  I love these poppies... standing so tall, bright, and vibrant... a moment of inspiration.